Alexandra M.

Always There

When I was three he was always there. When I was four he never ran away from me when I screamed, cried or just acted downright crazy. When I was five my baby sister came and he stuck by my side. Six years old. Dear Kaya, I’m sorry for pushing you down the slide while you were taking a nap on the rainbow kick board. When I was seven I found out he hated when my sister pulled his tail. Oops! Eight and nine, thanks for always being there.

 Here’s the story about how he came into our family. My family found him in a shelter in New Hampshire. One day my dad comes home to my parents apartment with a tiny trembling black cat, and starts marveling over his incredible “pattern”.

“Look at that!” he exclaims “ he’s got stripes.”

Meanwhile, my mom is there staring and the cat who has as much “pattern” as a wall painted one solid color.

“He’s been through alot”,... my dad starts to explain when my mom chimes in.

“Ok” she says. “Come here Kaya, you look like your hungry.”, my mom cooes.

And there my dad is shocked that he responded to Kaya. I never get sick of that story.  

As I stare out of the cold, foggy window the heavy breathing on my leg warms me up. I gently pet the top of my cats black head. He begins to purr loudly and soon he drifts off into a deep sleep. And I remind myself how grateful I am to have him.

Days, weeks, even months pass by quicker than you can imagine. Rock climbing, homework, parties, family events, and chores all keep my schedule full. The seasons speed by as if they were riding on a jet ski. My sister and I are playing in the snow, but then suddenly BAM! We’re rolling down a hill covered in lush green grass. As much as we were enjoying that in a blink of an eye I find myself swimming in the beautiful Florida ocean while the sun is beating down on  my tan shoulders. The cycle keeps repeating. Over, and over, and over, again until I end up back in winter.

One morning I wake up and rush so hurriedly out my bedroom door. I go to the bathroom, down the stairs, past my mom, around my dad, straight into my sister and over my cat. Until finally I am staring at my glimmering christmas tree filled by candy canes, and ornaments. I look under to make sure they are still there. And there they are. My unwarped gifts calling out to be played with. I’m about to open my brand new skateboard when my mom calls me into the kitchen.

“ Alex it’s an emergency!”

I’m not sure but from down the hall it sounds like she is on the verge of crying. But let me tell you something about my mother. She never uses the word emergency unless of course it actually is. Like for example, there is a robbery, we aren’t safe, or if someone was bleeding badly, dying, or seriously hurt. I run into the kitchen leaving the half unwrapped skateboard behind.

I come into the kitchen and everyone is crowded around, Kaya, my black cat. He is curled up in a weird shape, almost as if he were a comma in someone's writing essay. Normally, I would take this as cute but considering he is whining, and crying out I grab the phone and dial the number for the vet. I jam in the digits. As the cheerful ring of the phone does it’s thing it just makes my stomach more knotted every time. As I hear the receptionist’s voice, I give the phone to my parents and pull my trembling hand away.

I sit by my cat until it’s time  to go to the vet. By now I have completely forgotten about the skateboard and all the other presents nestled safely under the tree. I hold him tight from the time I entered the car to the time I exited.

Dread and fear take over me as I sit in the waiting room while my mom and the vet “chat”.

Although, I’m two rooms down I overhear some of the conversation.

“ Heart. Problem. We might have to. No. Put down. Is old. Medication. Suffering.”

I am not in that very room in this very moment, but I am pretty sure what they mean and how things are going to play out.

No, No, No. Please no. I thought to myself. I swallowed hard. And took a deep breath. But, it somehow felt as if  was constricting me and was trying keep the air out of my lounges.

When I was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and, ten I saw him everyday I was at my house although I might not see him at my eleven birthday.

Later that night my mom comes in to tuck me in and just as she is about to leave I ever so quietly call out to her. She turns around and walks back to my bed.

“Mom”, I asked. “ Will we have to put Kaya down?”

There was about five seconds of silence until my mom replied.

“Well” she sighed. “ He’s been through alot plus he’s been around since your dad and I were 25.”

 
By now my mom is sitting next to me on my bed.

She continues her thought, “He’s suffering and has been sick without us even knowing. We might need to.”

With that she gives me a tight squeeze, a kiss on my forehead, and quietly exits the room.

I am left in the pitch black darkness. That swallows you whole, and abandons without any escape out leaving you to crumble alone.

Before I go to sleep, I pray. I pray to god that if Kaya really does pass then in somehow, in someway I will see him again. As much as I am heartbroken, and devastated I know I will move on. I shut my eyes

and in minutes am fast asleep.

It is a unusually warm winter day. December 29, 2016 I wake up and eat breakfast. Happy to still see Kaya in the morning, afternoon, and night.

Later that night I am about to sit down in front of the TV when my mom yells.

“Kaya!”

I run at warp speed into the kitchen and find Kaya in the weird comma shape again, and my mom was right he is suffering.

 I scream and run out of the kitchen. I bury my face in the corner of the couch.

“No kaya. NO. NO NO.” although my voice is muffled you tell I’m crying. Sorry that is an uderstatment, I was bawling. Still doesn’t sound right I was completely flipping out while while crying buckets and sceaming so loud it sound like a scream through the soft corner of the couch.

Not even the glimmering, shimmering christmas tree or the crackling fire can comfort me.

Later that night my parents bring the cat in and we continue to pet him. The vet suggests something that I predicted a week ago but what I have feared deeply. Before I go to bed I ask Kaya to make it just through the morning.

“Please don’t die alone here.” I whispered in his ear.

 With that I go to bed. I can’t believe how I’ve never realized this before, but my family is like the solar system. My mom is Earth, caring for us and keeping us alive. My dad is the Sun, telling us how to do things right and teaching us. My sister, well, she is mars. A big ball of fire. My cat is mercury. The smallest planet, rotating around the sun just as he follows my dad. And I. I am Neptune just out there floating around. But, no matter what we stick together and rely on each other.

The next morning I throw on my clothes and prepare for a bumpy morning. I don’t even realize that it’s New Year’s Eve!

We enter the vet’s office and they guide us into a small room. They ask us if we want to stay in the room. We all decide to stay. And for once my sister has an emotion other than anger or annoyance. My dad takes off his collar and hands it to me. To this day I still keep it in a little wooden lock box and I consider it to be one of the most valuable things to me.

They shave off a little square of fur on his leg…

We leave the vet carrying an empty cat box. On the day before he died I took pictures of him with my instant camera. I take one of the pictures and cut it into a small oval shape just big enough to fit in my locket. I hug the locket tightly to my chest and swallow hard.

 After about three long months later a family-friend informs us that they found a stray cat. They take him to the vet for shots and ask us if we want him. I have a good feeling and I go to bed  knowing what it means. The End.

  

Epilogue

Now my family has a black and white tuxedo cat. Who lives happily with us. He loves going outside, and chilling in the lime green lawn chair. But also enjoys following us around and sitting by a big, roaring fire. He is a hige ball of energy and enjoys playing with feathers and rubber bands. And his name is Yogi.